Spokesperson Messages

In addition to Richard’s messages there have been several communications from a ‘spokesperson’.

With kind permission of Richard Armitage Online these are reproduced here.

The messages are ordered with the latest message at the top.

 

 

3rd August, 2009 (Richard Armitage Online)

It has come to my attention that offense may have been take by some comments made about the AA in various print interviews. I have to apologize for this offense, it was only ever my intention to be positive about any group or forum that is kind enough to offer their support to me in my work. I believe this is how I have presented myself to journalists although I cannot control the bias they might wish to ‘spin’ regarding their opinion of such forums. In general I do tend to be light hearted about ‘fan’ support, this is just my way of keeping things ‘real’ and down to earth, which they must always remain. I would and have never ‘ridiculed’ any fan for their dedication, I have always corrected interviewers when the talk about ‘crazed fans’, I make sure they understand the respect and intelligence with which most of you all conduct yourselves. I am mortified that this has somehow been misinterpreted, but I take responsibility for this and will stand firm in the face of future ridicule.

So I hereby categorically, and hopefully for the last time say to all fans on any board discussion group or forum :

 Any amount of support, any gesture of appreciation is never underestimated or dismissed. Every letter is read and whenever a response is requested an attempt is made to do this, I understand the commitment of fans and the way I chose to return that compliment is to continue to produce work which will be of interest to as many as possible.

Ps.  I also hate the word ‘fan’.

Spooksperson for RA

16th December, 2008 (Richard Armitage Online)

Following the repatriation of the Robin Hood company to blighty, the spokesperson for RA has mysteriously disappeared. However, Hungarian ‘Rendorseg’ managed to locate a hotel room which was noted as his last abode. After searching the room and forensic dusting for fingerprints  an ‘ubersuperduper unbelievably teeny tiny mini me micro film’ was located, secreted in a particle of dust which was lodged in a greasy finger print left on the rim of a pot noodle, evidence of Spokes persons seriously compromised existence. The ubersuperduper unbelievably teeny tiny mini me micro film then had to be dipped in Russian Standard Vodka for processing. Viewing the film proved to be nearly impossible but for a lucky purchase from Wollies at 50% discount of the very last “Ubersuperduper unbelievable teeny tiny mini me micro film player/clock radio with microwave and bagless vacuum attachment….it contained the following message:

“Agent A would like to wish all his contacts/agents a wonderfully joyous, peaceful and fun filled Christmas. He wanted to thank them all for their continued support this year and hopes to deliver ‘in spades’ for 2009. He is once again overwhelmed by all the generous gifts and messages and is attempting to respond a soon as is possible. He would like also to offer a toast to 2009 wishing all ‘agents’, success and happiness. In the spirit of peace and good will this message will self destruct in 3 seconds or if option B is exercised recipients will be termin…………… ”

 

1st October, 2008 (Richard Armitage Online)

The Spokesperson for RA would like to issue a brief message of thanks on behalf of said bloke.

A large number of gifts have been received for said blokes birthday. Said bloke would like to thank everyone who sent said gifts and is currently in the process, with the help of said blokes Mum writing thank you letters for said gifts. Unfortunately, some gifts were sent without return addresses hence this posting.

Unable to comment and refusing to speak publicly about said gifts, said bloke, said: “wow a pair of pants with a cartoon caricature of me on the rear…just what I have always wanted”

Said bloke was said to have been last seen wearing, eating, riding, and climbing all said gifts at the same time in an effort to make a public display of affection for his fans who sent them. Unfortunately two of the gifts, a donkey and a horse called Will Scarlett, who were know to be rivals, kicked off during the stunt, literally, and ran riot through the tree sanctuary where the stunt rehearsal was taking place. Apparently Will Scarlett was last seen scoffing all the chocolate gifts, slugging a bottle of German wine and trying on aftershave  whilst the Donkey, who had managed to get tangled in the caricature underpants was having a crack at a Guy of Gisborne knitting pattern whilst listening to some quite funky tunes, and studying various novels, some of them not even in English. Said bloke who was attempting to ride both animals at the time they kicked off, sustained a rather difficult injury.

The animals have since been separated and returned to their respective homes, unharmed, somewhat inebriated but fairly well read…and well fed. Said bloke was last seen hobbling back to work.

 

5th August, 2008 (Richard Armitage Online)

Apparently, in a bizarre turn of events, RA has been rearrested by the Kolbasz counter in a well know Hungarian Supermarket. He is being held on litigation and libel charges for attempting to defraud the public.

A Hungarian bystander who witnessed the arrest said, in Hungarian, “it was terrible , the poor man had armfuls of Kolbasz in various shapes and sizes and the Police just tackled him to the ground.”

RA is being held under the controversial ‘365 day Showbiz detainment bill’. He is charged with never actually writing any of the messages posted on any web site, ever.

Gagged from speaking publicly about anything, ever, and voluntarily refusing to comment, RA said:

“Its not true, I always wrote everything myself. I even put in bad grammar, spelling and inappropriate humour to appear more down to earth.” RA was dragged from his interrogation screaming that he had an English degree.

Professors of English from Oxford, have been brought in to examine the archives of said messages, in a bid to get to the bottom of RA’s claims.

“If he really is as clever as he says we’ll find out”  but an preliminary examination of the material suggests that the poor content, style and mundane subject matter, along with the grammatical errors would be impossible to fake.

 

31st July, 2008 (Richard Armitage Online)

Apparently, Richard Armitage was arrested on the streets of Budapest last night and is being held on charges of ‘fan abandonment’. He is facing a litigation and libel charges in which he used the term “Spokesperson for Mr Armitage”. The Spokesperson for Mr Armitage said “As spokeperson for Mr Armitage, I have to deny all charges. Mr Armitage refused to comment saying: “ask the Spokesperson I don’t have a brain”