Popcorn Taxi Q&A, 1st May 2013 (not exactly ‘meeting’ Richard – but close)

What a week! Actually, what a 3 weeks!

Three weeks ago (as I write this), Thursday, 11th April at 1:07:14 PM to be absolutely exact, I was doing something probably unimportant to do with work when my email yelled at me. I decided to ignore it and spend 5 minutes finishing whatever silly thing it was I was doing. When I did look at the email my heart didn’t stop. It started to pound rather fast and seemed to have found its way to my throat. I work with cardio doctors and I might have to ask them if that’s at all physically possible. It was an email from Librarygirl, one of the other AA@RAC forum moderators and RAC web mistresses. The subject line of the email read ‘DEB. Is this near you?’. She’d got the alert and was busy posting it everywhere. ‘This’ was a special encore screening of The Hobbit then a LIVE Q&A with the star of The Hobbit – Thorin Oakenshield ‘in the flesh’. For anyone not familiar with Australian geography, ‘near’ is a relative term in this context. For instance, it’s a 5 hour flight from Perth on the west coast to Sydney on the east. I live an hour from Sydney. So, yes, for this I do live ‘near’. My first questions were, this is real? It’s not a con? To have cast members in Melbourne and Brisbane for Supernova was terrific. But – Richard. In Sydney? OMIGOSH!!!!!! All of this was going through my head as I was, my fingers trembling, clicking on the link to the Popcorn Taxi site and booking my ticket. In the not quite back of my mind was the niggling thought that my credit card had reached its limit. On top of which, the site, which has a time limit for booking, had a problem with my mobile number and I had to put it in twice. Second time worked and Visa, bless its cotton socks, allowed the purchase. Yay! Happy, hysterical fangirl.

The next step was to try and remember all the Aussie Richard fans I could think of. I know I forgot some; it was like trying to remember all Snow White’s 7 dwarves; 13 dwarves – no problem.

Then – a flashback to Vicar of Dibley – ’19 days! Only 19 days! C’mon!’ Richard’s going to be in Sydney in 19 days!

There’s a line in an old Kenneth Branagh movie, ‘It’s like you wake up in the morning and your cat talks to you!’ Well, this was like having 5 cats and they all start talking at once in different languages. I’ve been a fan of Richard Armitage for 7 years and I was very used to the idea that he lived and belonged in the northern hemisphere. I’d got very comfortable with that idea. Then, of course he was cast in The Hobbit and I could look up at the night sky and tell myself, ‘He’s looking at the same stars I am’ (happy fangirl sigh). And, don’t pretend you don’t know what I’m talking about! But he was still in another country. Now he was going to be in the same city and I would be in the same room. Should I ask a question? What should I ask? And, while I was wondering that, so were all the other Aussies who were booking tickets and seats on flights and wondering about accommodation and how would Richard’s fans know each other? We were coming from all over Australia – Western Australia, South Australia, Queensland, Victoria and New South Wales. There was even someone coming from New Zealand! The next 19 days were full of mad, hysterical and excited emails, tweets and forum messages and decisions about yellow roses, plushies and Little Thorins.

Then a few days before May Day came those beautiful photographs by Tracey Nearmy and we knew he was actually here and wow, did he look pretty wonderful. After that the rush was really on. There was news he’d be on Canberra’s Scotty & Nige show on the Wednesday morning and on Dan & Mazz in Sydney on the Tuesday night. I was on the train on May Day morning when I heard about the 2 very lucky fans who’d got to see him, and get photographed with him, when he was at WIN Channel 9’s ‘Mornings’ show that day. Serious fangirl envy. I don’t know what the reaction was to Dan & Mazz but the worldwide fandom trended Scotty & Nige on Twitter. Scotty (or, possibly Nige) said they’d never encountered anything like Richard’s fans. (There are downloads of the interviews HERE and transcripts HERE.) I was listening to their show, grinning madly, as I was getting ready to leave having had about 4 hours sleep and woken to the most beautiful sunrise that turned the world gold. All the predictions were for rain. What an omen!

There were a bunch of us staying at a great little place called the Neutral Bay Motor Lodge, right on one of Sydney’s lovely little inner Harbour bays. It’s a quick ferry ride across the Harbour and it was a glorious, crisp, though a little smoggy morning. I met up with the ladies there and, after checking in, we all headed up to Cremorne – some of us walked up the quite steep hill, which took about 25 minutes and some others hopped a taxi. We’d arranged to meet everyone else we’d been in contact with, and anyone else who’d been in touch though Twitter and Facebook, outside the cinema at about mid-day, get some lunch and then decide whether to hang around the area, keeping any eye on the theatre or go back to the hotel. The Hayden Orpheum’s a beautiful, restored Art Deco cinema with 6 theatres ranging in size from the The Hayden seating 121 to The Orpheum seating around 714 and that’s where the event was being held. By the time we decided to look for a place to eat there were about 20 of us and, as lunch progressed, more arrived. I think there would have been between 20 and 30 people coming and going from the lovely Italian restaurant we found. I’m sorry if we missed meeting anyone. It was such a chaotic day. It was fabulous meeting new friends who many most of us only knew online, and renewing old friendships. I think every time there’s a meetup we fantasize that Richard will be there. And, now, effectively, he actually would be! It was around 3pm by the time, lunch over, 3 of us, Aussie Indie, Ladypolanna and me, decided to mark out our place at the theatre while the others went back to wherever they were staying to try and chill out and get ready.

This image is reduced by 7%, click it to view full size.

(thanks to Popcorn Taxi’s Facebook page)

The theatre staff were really nice and very helpful when we asked if we could stay. Actually, as soon as we told them we were there for the Popcorn Taxi Q&A they gave us the great news that it was sold out! They told us we could park ourselves outside the theatre, upstairs. We were the first! So, very happily, we trotted up the stairs, unfolded the life-size cardboard cut-out of Thorin someone had brought with them and settled in for the afternoon. About an hour later, a group of about half-a-dozen girls in their twenties arrived (one wearing a Bofur hat) and, shortly after that, a couple of older women; the queue had started in earnest! We texted the others in our group that people were arriving. Popcorn Taxi’s desk was set up, downstairs, at around 4.30pm so we took turns to get our tickets, leaving someone behind to make sure we didn’t lose that precious spot outside the doors. It didn’t take long for the room fill up with people we knew, other Richard fans and Hobbit fans. There would also have been a good number of people who are regulars to Popcorn Taxi’s events. We didn’t find out until much later that, by about 6pm, the queue went around the block to the carpack at the back of the theatre. A couple of our friends who’d come from work, were caught in it so, sadly, were way at the back of the theatre.

It was a great, happy, holiday atmosphere in the foyer outside the doors. Aussie Indie had been given a packet of balloons left over from an Aussie meetup and what with those being blown up and distributed and the cut-out Thorin, our little spot got some grins and laughter. Also the attention of the theatre staff, security and Popcorn Taxi who were all worried about the balloons escaping. We reassured each of them that the only hot air was ours and we’d keep the balloons under very tight control. As the time got closer and the crowd began to press in, Aussie Indie worked a deal with the girls who’d arrived after us that, as far as possible, we’d take the first 2 rows to the left of the centre aisle and they would take the first 2 rows to its right. (And, let me tell you, for an event like this, you need an Aussie Indie with you.)

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FINALLY, at 6.30 the doors were opened and in we poured. Because of Aussie Indie’s arrangement, I found myself sitting second to the left of the centre aisle. In front of me, only a few feet away, with nothing between but a cord, was the stage, bare except for 2 chairs and 2 microphones on the floor beside them. The chairs were angled, facing each other. At this point let me say that I managed to get to the ARIA black carpet in November. I did see Richard – and Andy Serkis and Martin Freeman – from about 50 feet away and they didn’t end up coming anywhere near the fans. Now, I was going to be less than 10 feet from him. O.M.G.! I can’t describe the sense of excitement and, maybe, just a little disbelief in the room as we waited, not knowing, really what to expect. It seemed like forever but, promptly at 7pm, Chris Murray, Popcorn Taxi’s Creative Director, took the stage. That got the classic initial storm of applause which immediately dropped off when we realised he wasn’t Richard. After some brief introductory comments, and handing out some beautiful Thorin pics signed in silver for some of the fans who’d come from a distance, he told us we would first be seeing a ‘never-before-seen in this format behind-the-scenes 12-minute video’ followed by the Q&A. Actually, as it turns out, a few of us recognised the video, it had been aired on WIN (Channel 9) over Christmas as The Making of the Hobbit ).

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The video finished and people began to look around to see where Richard would come from. THEN, FINALLY from a door beside stage right, he was there. Really there! As he came down the stairs the applause started. As he stepped onto the stage the first several rows at least stood up to give him the ovation he so very much deserves. What a moment! And, squeeeee! His chair was angled IN MY DIRECTION! During the Q&A Hobbit graphics were projected onto the screen behind Richard and Oscar (and, as someone pointed out, one of them actually was a fan graphic of Thorin that used a line from one of Richard’s best audiobooks, Lords of the North, “My path is the sword path”).

There are 2 excellent transcriptions of the Q&A, one by TheOneRing.net and another from Groovergreen so I won’t even try to go over the questions. But there were some standout responses from Richard I just have to share. To the question about being type cast in broody roles, ‘But of course I fantasize about playing the romantic lead and the heroic character I just don’t think my face suits that – I think there’s just something’. Hopefully, judging by the crowd response, he’s rethinking that one. Then there were the questions that gave him the chance to take digs at the other cast members – who’d win in a cage fight between Thorin and Dwalin? (expression and body language – well, d’uh!) – and, if you can, check out Dwalin’s response on Twitter!; how did he find the orc chase scene because the Supernova cast members said it was exhausting (‘they’re just weak!’); and, of course, ‘that’ calendar, which, contrary to Graham McTavish’s account, was Richard’s idea. Of course there were a couple of people who became so overwhelmed their questions got very tangled and confused, which was understandable. The one question I’m sorry could not be answered, probably because of time, was one from a music student who, with her friends, had developed an arrangement of Misty Mountains and asked, if they played it, would Richard sing it with them? I hope she heard Richard’s answer. In a voice just like Harry telling Geraldine he does want to marry her – only Thorin-deeper – and recalling the tone of the Riddles in the Dark, he said, ‘The answer, is – Yes!’. Maybe there’ll be another time.

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I don’t think 45 minutes has gone so quickly and what a glorious, unforgettable, UNEXPECTED 45 minutes. Richard seems to have spent the previous days doing interviews back-to-back and must have begun to feel a little glassy-eyed, yet he was all we’ve come to expect and admire, generous, thoughtful, funny, intelligent, patient and gloriously cheeky. One luck lady in our row who gave him an enthusiastic wave, got a lovely smile and little wave back; someone else got a direct look into her camera. You could see his theatrical training in the comfortable, engaging way he related to his audience and his years of being the front man for just about every production he’s been in since North & South back in 2004 in the way he managed the questions. If there was anyone not standing up when he walked onto that stage, they were absolutely on their feet when he walked off it.

This image is reduced by 7%, click it to view full size.

(thanks to Popcorn Taxi’s Facebook page)

Oh, and one, final thing. In answering one question he referred a little to the third movie and the Battle of the Five Armies. To the delight of his fans – as distinct from the many Tolkien and movie fans who were there – he threw out a cheeky grin and, ‘I think it should be called The Battle of the Six Armies!’

A War Less Ordinary – Transcript

The radio program, A War Less Ordinary, featuring the poetry of those left behind during World War I and World War II, aired on 10th November, 2007 as part of Remembrance Day celebrations. The program was developed and presented by Sarah Lancashire and aired on BBC 2. These are transcripts of the poems read by Richard Armitage. You can listen to A Code Poem for the French Resistance HERE and download it and all the other poems Richard read, from our Media – Narration page.

Reading poems with Richard were Susan Jameson and Charlie Brooks.

Just a note, we’ve done our best finding dates so if you have any information on the ones that are missing we’d be very happy to hear from you.

Thanks to Suzi for her work transcribing these poems.

 

A Wife in London, Thomas Hardy (December, 1899)

I – The Tragedy

She sits in the tawny vapour
That the Thames-side lanes have uprolled,
Behind whose webby fold on fold
Like a waning taper
The street-lamp glimmers cold.

A messenger’s knock cracks smartly,
Flashed news is in her hand
Of meaning it dazes to understand
Though shaped so shortly:
He – has fallen – in the far South Land…

II – The Irony

‘Tis the morrow; the fog hangs thicker,
The postman nears and goes:
A letter is brought whose lines disclose
By the firelight flicker
His hand, whom the worm now knows:

Fresh – firm-penned in highest feather –
Page-full of his hoped return,
And of home-planned jaunts by brake and burn
In the summer weather,
And of new love that they would learn.

Back to the Land, ‘ALGOL’

The wintry days are with us still;
The roads are deep in liquid dirt;
The rain is wet, the wind is chill,
And both are coming through my shirt;
And yet my heart is light and gay;
I shout aloud, I hum a snatch;
Why am I full of mirth? To-day
I’m planting my potato patch.

The Kaiser sits and bites his nails
In Pots- (or some adjoining) dam;
He wonders why his peace talk fails
And how to cope with Uncle Sam;
The General Staff has got the hump;
In vain each wicked scheme they hatch;
I’ve handed them the final thump
By planting my potato patch.

And later, when the War is won
And each man murmurs, “Well, that’s that,”
And reckons up what he has done
To put the Germans on the mat,
I’ll say, “It took ten myriad guns
And fighting vessels by the batch;
But we too served, we ancient ones,
Who dug in our potato patch.”

The Welder, Wilfred Gibson

Grotesque in grey asbestos hood, blue glasses and great gauntlet gloves
That shield her from the heat and glare and sprinkling sparks,
She welds the parts of tempered steel and finds it good to toil unceasing
While somewhere far over sea, her anxious heart’s adventuring with him she loves.
On wings of steel in furious flight into a foe-invested night of perilous thin air,
Her heart to his in the despair and exultation of the fight, wedded by danger and delight.

Dad

Dad, a Home Guard, when in liquor,
Missed his target – killed the Vicar;
With more practice, like as not,
Dad may be a better shot.

Dad’s Army, Frank Seddon

Roused from their sleep and half awake
The guard, another watch to make.
Squinting in the storm-lamp’s light
The old guard enters from the night.
A bunch of England’s fighting men
And that’s including Loony Len.
Billeted at a barn of Shaws,
With Sparrow laying down the laws,
While shells were bursting overhead,
Young Griffiths talked about the dead.
Snoring, Clare was on the floor
As Private Charnock slammed the door.
Into a chair, Ab Seddon flopped,
He thought a bl**dy bomb had dropped.
But still more noise was yet to come,
As Loony Len sat on a drum.
The killer look still in his eye
With the feeling, Kill or die.
He faced young Albert’s brother Frank,
The bravest Guard in any rank,
Lying there in sweet repose,
With big thick glasses on his nose.
Young Len had loaded up his gun,
He’d had the ‘Jerries’ on the run,
And, like a hero, he uncocked,
Making Mosley Common rock.
And Sergeant Seddon, good gracious me,
Had brick dust in his cup of tea.
Now every body groped about,
‘Cause with the shot the lights went out.
Then with a match above his head,
Walt Sparrow tried to count the dead.
No bodies lay upon the ground,
So they searched outside, but none were found.
Then, Young Len Charnock, looking glum,
Roared: “Will the Germans never come?”

The Night Watch for England, Edward Shanks (1942)

The crescent moon is down, I am alone,
Alone with this dim hilltop and the stars,
Alone as I have never been till now.
Huge is the night that lies on England, pricked
With all the trembling manifold of stars.
Small is the land we guard.
Small is the house I left an hour ago
To keep my watch for it and all the rest,
Small, small am I in this prodigious night.

There is no silence for the nightly watcher.
I feel no wind, yet leaf stirs after leaf and thin airs
Whimper through the grass, die and revive.
And as my ears are tuned to the night’s music
I hear far off gentle waves that fall softly on an unseen beach.
I hear the gentle susurration of the pebbles
Dragged half an inch by a weak undertow.
There is no silence in my night, for now small beasts I cannot see are on the move,
Each on its business scuffles in the gorse, cautious but audible.

And now a scream, sharp, harsh and quickly stifled.
There they are my fellow countrymen,
All on four feet as proper denizens as I.
That shadow slipping across the now grown clearer skyline,
That was a badger,
One that I saw playing outside the earth last time I rode this way,
Just after dawn, last time.
Last time it was the day we knew that war was toppling on us.
I loved you then, my fellow countrymen.

The night goes on, the stars wheel by,
And this is the dead center of the lonely watch.
Nothing for me to do.
The sky is empty of all, save those remote unpitying lights.
Still I can feel no wind, and yet a chill soaks through my flesh.

The night is long, so long.
But I am not alone.
My out-stretched palm rubs on the short rough grass.
My fingers crush a scabious flower,
I can prick myself with the gorse.
Or bring the wild thyme fragrant from ground to nostril.
All these I love.
For these I watch tonight.
For these and for the village in the valley, and my own house in it

Memories of the Mine, Roger Woddis

The call of England, home and beauty
Led him to labour underground;
Young as he was, he did his duty,
Unsung, unhonoured and uncrowned.

No bugle summoned him to glory,
Nor did he hear the cannon’s roar;
The hero of a different story,
He fought another kind of war.

Today the memory still lingers
Of fortune lying on the mat,
The day that fate put forth her fingers
And drew his number from the hat.

And then, beyond the weeks of training,
The pit-cage dropping like a stone,
The ache, with nerve and muscle straining,
That penetrated to the bone.

Though forty years have left him older,
There’s no forgetting even now
When danger hovered at his shoulder
And there was sweat upon his brow.

Wormwood Scrubs, Alan M Lang

I lived a year in London, but I never saw Saint Paul’s,
All famous stunts left undone, nor visited the halls.
I lodged in royal quarters, at majesty’s expense,
All round the walls of Wormwood’s halls were reared for my defence.
Oh, the palace of Wormwood Scrubs, the snarling, the sneers, the snubs,
And the long dreary days spent in learning the ways of the palace at Wormwood Scrubs.

In shoddy grey they dressed me, I didn’t dare refuse,
Though shape and fit distressed me, I wasn’t asked to choose.
My out-spread ears supported the largest size in caps,
My feet did cruise in ship-like shoes while a breeze blew through the gaps.
Oh, that court suit of Wormwood Scrubs with its skin chaffing irksome rubs,
And the blush raising shocks from its open work socks as we wore ‘em in Wormwood Scrubs.

In dignified retirement, I ate three meals a day,
My very small requirement was brought in on a tray.
But though I grieve to say it, no gold nor silver plate,
But vulgar tin my food came in and I often had to wait.
Oh, the dinner at Wormwood Scrubs, you people who dine at clubs,
Try just once for a treat, with a spoon to eat meat.
And you’ll fight shy of Wormwood Scrubs.

Each morn with others banded, I walked the palace ground as etiquette demanded,
We circled round and round.
At time my dizzy senses were soothed by slumberous spell,
But when I woke, I savage spoke and I wished I were in…well,
It’s no matter at Wormwood Scrubs, the snarling and sneers and snubs,
But if ‘t’werent so bad, one would not be so glad,
To bid farewell to Wormwood Scrubs

Code Poem For The French Resistance, Leo Marks (1943)

The life that I have
Is all that I have
And the life that I have
Is yours.

The love that I have
Of the life that I have
Is yours and yours and yours.

A sleep I shall have
A rest I shall have
Yet death will be but a pause
For the peace of my years
In the long green grass
Will be yours and yours and yours.

Lords of the North (Bernard Cornwell) (unabridged audiobook)

Lords of the North is the third in Bernard Cornwell’s Saxon Chronicle series set in the time of Alfred the Great. It was released in 2007. The series tells the story of Uhtred of Bebbenburg, a Saxon warrior brought up by Danes. Lords of the North follows Uhtred on his journey to avenge the death of his foster-father five years before at the hands of a Danish warlord, Kjartan the Cruel. On his journey, spanning nearly three years, Uhtred rescues an enslaved king, falls in love, battles enemy Danes, and is himself enslaved. The audiobook is 12 hours and Richard Armitage performs all 32 main characters as well as several sundry characters, with voices including those of Danes, Irish, women, children, and men. In February 2008, the audio book was No. 3 in the Audio Times Top Ten Ratings.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Spokesperson Messages

In addition to Richard’s messages there have been several communications from a ‘spokesperson’.

With kind permission of Richard Armitage Online these are reproduced here.

The messages are ordered with the latest message at the top.

 

 

3rd August, 2009 (Richard Armitage Online)

It has come to my attention that offense may have been take by some comments made about the AA in various print interviews. I have to apologize for this offense, it was only ever my intention to be positive about any group or forum that is kind enough to offer their support to me in my work. I believe this is how I have presented myself to journalists although I cannot control the bias they might wish to ‘spin’ regarding their opinion of such forums. In general I do tend to be light hearted about ‘fan’ support, this is just my way of keeping things ‘real’ and down to earth, which they must always remain. I would and have never ‘ridiculed’ any fan for their dedication, I have always corrected interviewers when the talk about ‘crazed fans’, I make sure they understand the respect and intelligence with which most of you all conduct yourselves. I am mortified that this has somehow been misinterpreted, but I take responsibility for this and will stand firm in the face of future ridicule.

So I hereby categorically, and hopefully for the last time say to all fans on any board discussion group or forum :

 Any amount of support, any gesture of appreciation is never underestimated or dismissed. Every letter is read and whenever a response is requested an attempt is made to do this, I understand the commitment of fans and the way I chose to return that compliment is to continue to produce work which will be of interest to as many as possible.

Ps.  I also hate the word ‘fan’.

Spooksperson for RA

16th December, 2008 (Richard Armitage Online)

Following the repatriation of the Robin Hood company to blighty, the spokesperson for RA has mysteriously disappeared. However, Hungarian ‘Rendorseg’ managed to locate a hotel room which was noted as his last abode. After searching the room and forensic dusting for fingerprints  an ‘ubersuperduper unbelievably teeny tiny mini me micro film’ was located, secreted in a particle of dust which was lodged in a greasy finger print left on the rim of a pot noodle, evidence of Spokes persons seriously compromised existence. The ubersuperduper unbelievably teeny tiny mini me micro film then had to be dipped in Russian Standard Vodka for processing. Viewing the film proved to be nearly impossible but for a lucky purchase from Wollies at 50% discount of the very last “Ubersuperduper unbelievable teeny tiny mini me micro film player/clock radio with microwave and bagless vacuum attachment….it contained the following message:

“Agent A would like to wish all his contacts/agents a wonderfully joyous, peaceful and fun filled Christmas. He wanted to thank them all for their continued support this year and hopes to deliver ‘in spades’ for 2009. He is once again overwhelmed by all the generous gifts and messages and is attempting to respond a soon as is possible. He would like also to offer a toast to 2009 wishing all ‘agents’, success and happiness. In the spirit of peace and good will this message will self destruct in 3 seconds or if option B is exercised recipients will be termin…………… ”

 

1st October, 2008 (Richard Armitage Online)

The Spokesperson for RA would like to issue a brief message of thanks on behalf of said bloke.

A large number of gifts have been received for said blokes birthday. Said bloke would like to thank everyone who sent said gifts and is currently in the process, with the help of said blokes Mum writing thank you letters for said gifts. Unfortunately, some gifts were sent without return addresses hence this posting.

Unable to comment and refusing to speak publicly about said gifts, said bloke, said: “wow a pair of pants with a cartoon caricature of me on the rear…just what I have always wanted”

Said bloke was said to have been last seen wearing, eating, riding, and climbing all said gifts at the same time in an effort to make a public display of affection for his fans who sent them. Unfortunately two of the gifts, a donkey and a horse called Will Scarlett, who were know to be rivals, kicked off during the stunt, literally, and ran riot through the tree sanctuary where the stunt rehearsal was taking place. Apparently Will Scarlett was last seen scoffing all the chocolate gifts, slugging a bottle of German wine and trying on aftershave  whilst the Donkey, who had managed to get tangled in the caricature underpants was having a crack at a Guy of Gisborne knitting pattern whilst listening to some quite funky tunes, and studying various novels, some of them not even in English. Said bloke who was attempting to ride both animals at the time they kicked off, sustained a rather difficult injury.

The animals have since been separated and returned to their respective homes, unharmed, somewhat inebriated but fairly well read…and well fed. Said bloke was last seen hobbling back to work.

 

5th August, 2008 (Richard Armitage Online)

Apparently, in a bizarre turn of events, RA has been rearrested by the Kolbasz counter in a well know Hungarian Supermarket. He is being held on litigation and libel charges for attempting to defraud the public.

A Hungarian bystander who witnessed the arrest said, in Hungarian, “it was terrible , the poor man had armfuls of Kolbasz in various shapes and sizes and the Police just tackled him to the ground.”

RA is being held under the controversial ‘365 day Showbiz detainment bill’. He is charged with never actually writing any of the messages posted on any web site, ever.

Gagged from speaking publicly about anything, ever, and voluntarily refusing to comment, RA said:

“Its not true, I always wrote everything myself. I even put in bad grammar, spelling and inappropriate humour to appear more down to earth.” RA was dragged from his interrogation screaming that he had an English degree.

Professors of English from Oxford, have been brought in to examine the archives of said messages, in a bid to get to the bottom of RA’s claims.

“If he really is as clever as he says we’ll find out”  but an preliminary examination of the material suggests that the poor content, style and mundane subject matter, along with the grammatical errors would be impossible to fake.

 

31st July, 2008 (Richard Armitage Online)

Apparently, Richard Armitage was arrested on the streets of Budapest last night and is being held on charges of ‘fan abandonment’. He is facing a litigation and libel charges in which he used the term “Spokesperson for Mr Armitage”. The Spokesperson for Mr Armitage said “As spokeperson for Mr Armitage, I have to deny all charges. Mr Armitage refused to comment saying: “ask the Spokesperson I don’t have a brain”